


Memories of the past and only then

by gabbydrawswhat, LazySadPotatoComix



Series: Time with no meaning [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: All of the seekers aren't doing so well, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sexual Interfacing, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Why Did I Write This?, but none of them will admit it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabbydrawswhat/pseuds/gabbydrawswhat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazySadPotatoComix/pseuds/LazySadPotatoComix
Summary: During a battle against the Autobots, Starscream was shot by one of their newest weapons. Starscream made it back to base in one piece except for one thing, His memories were wiped out and he only remembers his past.
Relationships: Frenzy & Rumble & Soundwave (Transformers), Implied Jetfire|Skyfire/Starscream, Megatron/Starscream, Skywarp & Starscream & Thundercracker, Starscream & Frenzy & Rumble
Series: Time with no meaning [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000560
Comments: 26
Kudos: 113





	1. Target on sight

**Author's Note:**

> Added Co-Writer: gabbydrawswhat (Follow them on Instagram and Tumblr)

**_ “IN COMING!!!” _ **

A yell was heard before an explosion occurred right next to Megatron, where he was pushed down onto the hard concrete ground by the impact with a grunt, his armour getting scraped against the rough floor.

He looked towards the sky to see his Air Force, all in a dog fight, battling in the air, except for one intrusive Seeker.

With a growl, he raised his hand towards his comm, getting up and running to dodge the massive gunfire.

”Starscream!”

Megatron yelled across his comm, trying to look past the dusty smoke to see the Seeker’s body outline.

”Why the frag are you not fighting with your Air Force?!”

There was no response for a moment, blasting and explosions and the occasional cry or scream were the only sounds he heard before Starscream responded.

_ ”WHAT?!?” _

His regular, scratchy voice came shrieking through the comm link.

_ ”I’M BUSY!” _

”Busy doing what?!”

Megatron looked around the battlefield, trying to spot out a pair of wings that were out of place and possibly doing their own thing.

”What’s  **_ so_**important that made you leave your post—?!”

Turns out he didn’t need an answer for that cause as soon as he rounded the corner of a building, He found Starscream shooting as much Autobots as he could with a scowl while one of his pretty little wings was twisted and broken.

He looked up to see Megatron after shooting a poor AutoBot scout and feeling his presence, His scowl deepened at his leaders appearance.

“I told you, I’m busy!”

Starscream yelled as Megatron made his way into the the little battle and fought side by side with the Seeker.

”And I don’t need your help!”

Megatron rolled his optics at him, blasting another AutoBot with his fusion canon before they could attack Starscream. Starscream blinked down at the unmoving ‘Bot in surprise.

”Right, _‘You don’t need my help’_ ,”

Megatron repeated, attacking more bots before they could get close.

”I’ll remember that every time you cry out for assistance”

The Seeker’s scowl deepened even more, but he chose not to argue any further after he nearly got shot at the side of his helm. Instead, he insulted Megatron and was insulted back, going back and forth with _‘Old Idiot’_ and _‘Intrusive Scraplet’_.

At one point during the bickering and the battle, Megatron called Starscream _‘Short Fool’_ and was rewarded with a kick to the Shin.

_ Why? _

Megatron thought, yelling at Starscream as he continued to fight in the battle.

_ Why were they always like this? _

_ He just wished that, He could change That little Seeker somehow...Make him more obedient and less of an annoying self-centred prick. _

_ But alas, It was only a wish— _

**_ “GET OUT OF THE WAY!” _ **

Megatron’s thoughts were cut off and he blinked himself back to reality.

**_ “ARE YOU DEAF, YOU OLD FOOL?!” _ **

Starscream’s shrieking was heard but Megatron couldn’t find him anywhere, soon The Warlord noticed a beam of light, shining down on his broad frame.

**_ “I SAID ‘GET OUT OF THE WAY’!” _ **

Starscream shrieked once again but before Megatron could do anything, whatever it was, blinded him and he felt a sudden impact.

All for a moment, all he could see was white, all he could hear was this constant ring, nothing else.

His vision slowly restored, blurry at first but it came back clear but foggy.

Megatron looked around and saw Starscream, in place where he used to be but on the ground.

Smoke imitating from a large dark hole, far too close to Starscream’s Spark Chamber.

Megatron sat there, staring at him, everything around him darkened and the loud blast fire slowly escaped his ears.

The only thing he could see was Starscream and his spark sunk as he saw The Seeker’s crimson ruby optics flicker on and off, slowly deactivating.

He hurry got up, sound and surroundings coming back like a sudden snap. 

Megatron picked Starscream up, holding him close to his chest,

And ran.

* * *

“Hook,”

Thundercracker pushed one of the Combaticons away, He didn’t know which one but it didn’t matter.

“Where’s my brother?!”

Skywarp followed behind him with SlipStream, She tried calming Skywarp by stroking his back and telling him that everything will be alright, it was rare to see her like this but in a situation like this, you’d understand why.

“Calm your vents, he’s fine...”

Hook muttered, wiping his hands off with a cloth.

“Though considering how close the blast was near the spark...”

_ “How close he was to deactivation...” _

SlipStream mumbled before realising Skywarp was still wrapped around her and he bursted into tears.

During the battle, Skywarp and Thundercracker were trying to make it back to base when they suddenly felt their bond with Starscream sever, cut like a thin string, sudden and fast.

Skywarp has stumbled over himself and screamed in agony, feeling something through their bond while Thundercracker only felt the life fading almost instantly.

It was all so sudden but after a few moments of concentration, Starscream was still there, still active and still bonded.

Thundercracker growled before pushing his way towards wherever Starscream was, despite Hook trying to tell him something.

He pushed away the curtain and paused.

Starscream was lying in the medical berth, blanket thrown over him, his breathing smooth and steady as he continued to recharge.

But that wasn’t what he was focused on right now.

No, He was wondering why his leader was there.

There, sitting in a chair, elbow propped up on one of the arms of the chair, hand cupping his cheek and stroking the back of Starscream’s hand with the other.

As if he was being affectionate…

Thundercracker narrowed his optics at that imagery, as if Megatron would ever care about his brother…

Skywarp ran past Thundercracker and made his way towards Starscream’s side.

Megatron got up immediately after seeing Skywarp and looking over at Thundercracker, aware that Thundercracker doesn’t ‘favour’ him well.

SlipStream walked in, giving a curt nod towards Megatron before leaning against the wall and crossing her arms.

Megatron walked off and stood at the corner of the room, Thundercracker watched him, making sure he didn’t do anything. After he was satisfied with Megatron’s distance, He walked over to Starscream and sat down in the chair Megatron was previously in.

Starscream stirred slightly, optics shuddering open and flickering, activating once again. Skywarp shook Thundercracker by the shoulder and he held Skywarp’s hand to reassure him that he’s not delusional and that Starscream was activating.

“Starscream...?”

Thundercracker’s voice came out as a soft murmur, watching his brother.

Slowly, Starscream opened his optics and looked around.

“...Where...am I?”

His voice was quiet, unlike his usual scratchy voice, it sounded more peaceful and smooth…Thundercracker hadn’t heard him like this for so long.

“We’re in the Med-bay, Starscream”

SlipStream muttered, giving him a small smile.

“You’re a real trouble maker, you know that?”

Starscream sat up slowly, ignoring his cousin’s comment and looked around.

He looked lost, Thundercracker narrowed his optics in worry.

“Starscream?”

Skywarp mumbled, optics red from crying.

“Are you...okay, now?”

Starscream took a moment to process everything around him before answering Skywarp, making Thundercracker even more worried.

“Yes, I’m…Fine”

Hook entered with a datapad, he cleared his throat to grab their attention.

“Since you’re finally satisfied with seeing your Commander healthy and alive, can I tell you what’s wrong with him now?”

All three of the Seeker’s helms snapped up to look at Hook, Optics confused and worried.

Hook let out a sigh, looking down at the datapad.

“The Autobots had this new ‘weapon’, dangerous and untested”

He started, changing his footing and putting most of his weight on his left leg.

“Luckily, Thanks to Your Air Force, The weapon was destroyed...”

He looked back at Starscream, Starscream looked back confused.

“So, what’s the problem?”

SlipStream spoke up, hands clutching onto her arms, digging her claws into her armour out of anxiety.

Thundercracker looked over at her, opening his mouth to say something reassuring until Hook interrupted him.

“Destroying the weapon caused it to blast randomly at one target and explode afterwards, Starscream was the one to get blasted.”

Megatron pushed himself from the corner, listening to Hook and ignoring Thundercracker’s warning stare.

“And well,”

Hook looked towards Megatron.

“It caused a little ‘glitch’…”

“What kind of ‘glitch’?”

Megatron stared back at Hook, optics narrowing.

Hook gestured back at Starscream,

“See for yourself..”

He walked backwards, allowing Megatron access to see Starscream.

Thundercracker held Starscream’s hand and squeezed it, not letting him go.

Megatron walked towards the berth and stood a few feet away from it.

Starscream’s optics slowly trailed up Megatron’s frame, shrinking back every inch he gained closer to his face, as if he was afraid of him.

Thundercracker blinked in confusion.

Why? 

Starscream knew him for over a millennia and sure, he’s afraid of him but not to the point that he’s afraid of his own face.

Megatron seemed as confused as Thundercracker, He took a step forward to test him and Starscream shrank back a little more.

He paused, even more confused.

“…Starscream…?”

Starscream flinched at his voice, deep and booming, it was almost consuming.

“Y-Yes?”

He stammered.

“— - —— —?”

Megatron stopped completely, Everyone else was frozen in shock as well.

Starscream’s words repeated.

_ “Do I...know you?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rough beginning cause I don’t know how to write proper stories.  
> If I made any spelling mistakes, tell me in the comments or at Tumblr in Caption(e.g. YO, YOU WROTE THAT WRONG, IDIOT) so I know that I’m stupid QwQ


	2. Lost In Your Optics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added Co-Writer: gabbydrawswhat (Follow them on Instagram and Tumblr)
> 
> (Chapter was accidentally deleted, We apologise for the inconvenience)

Megatron sat in his throne, lost in thought as he tapped his foot against the floor, It had been two days since the last time he saw Starscream.

He'll be honest, it was...interesting when they realised Starscream didn't remember anything about the war...In a way of words. If the Seeker he knew, the intrusive backstabbing scraplet, was entirely wiped out and replaced with Starscream's more younger and innocent youth from his memory banks, then maybe Megatron could reform him, change him, into the ideal Decepticon he was _originally_ supposed to be. Truth be told, Starscream _was_ always an ideal Decepticon, but his pride had simply soared too high and flew straight toward the sun.

Consumed by the flames of his fiery passion and charred by his ambitions.

Megatron got off his throne and walked out of the room, walking down the hall to patrol.

The moment he thought about 'reforming Starscream', Thundercracker stepped toward him and told him to _'not try anything'_ , as if he heard his thoughts. He remembered that it ticked him off and he leaned down,telling the blue and black Seeker to 'learn his place' with a low growl, it seemed to work more on Starscream because he shrank back a little more, intimidated.

Megatron's train of thought stopped abruptly when he saw the very Seeker, he was just thinking about, round the corner as he read a datapad in his hands and bumped into him. His face buried in Megatron's chest as he slowly registered what had just happened. It took a few more moments but eventually Starscream moved his helm up and gasped for air, he opened his optics and looked up at Megatron, mouth shifting into a small thin line.

He blinked down at the Seeker, conflicted on what to say or do.

"...What are you doing?"

Starscream moved away so that he was no longer in Megatron's personal bubble.

"...Uhm..."

He mumbled, looking down at the datapad before handing it to him.

Megatron looked down at it, it had a list of designations and their ranks, he looked back at the Seeker.

"You're trying to know everyone's designations?"

Starscream nodded, changing his footing out of awkwardness, or perhaps it was out of shyness? Anxiety maybe.

"I'm trying to memorize them..."

He said quietly. Megatron hummed in thought, staring down at the datapad again. Well if Starscream was learning about their ranks and designations then he probably already knows that he's the Second in Command and Air Commander of the Air force.

"So far I learnt about a few of their ranks,"

There you have it.

"Sir"

He finished. Megatron looked up at him again, well at least he knows that he's superior. Starscream shifted his footing again.

Megatron looked back at the datapad for a moment before handing it back to him.

"Are you lost?"

He asked, looking down at the short Seeker. Starscream fiddled with his hands, avoiding Megatron's smothering gaze.

"Uhm..."

He struggled with his words, wings distractingly lowering and twitching ever so slightly.

"I...Yes"

Megatron thought for a moment before nodding toward the door he just came through.

"Come with me"

Starscream nodded quickly before walking by his side. Megatron kept his gaze on him, the Seeker's thrusters made a unique 'Tap, Tap, Tap', combining the sound with Megatron's heavy footsteps,

It was strangely charming.

They made their way through halls, Starscream was silent as they walked, avoiding optic-contact with Megatron.

"So,"

Megatron began after clearing his throat, unable to take the awkward silence any longer.

"You don't remember anything from the war?"

"N-No, Sir"

Starscream replied quickly, stuttering a bit.

"Sorry Sir"

Megatron hummed in thought,

Starscream doesn't remember anything about the war, meaning he doesn't remember Megatron either. It was going to be tricky to work with someone who doesn't remember their own leader's designation.

Megatron's mind did a mental record-scratch.

Designation.

Starscream had been calling him _'sir'_ , because he possibly didn't know his designation.

He winced at his own stupidity, he could be so stupid sometimes that it hurts even himself.

"You don't know my designation, don't you?"

Starscream slowly nodded, datapad held in his hands but forgotten, only used for covering his mouth in shame. Megatron sighed, as he thought, he knows nothing of him.

"Megatron,"

He said.

"My designation is Megatron"

Starscream looked up at him.

"... _M- Megatron_...?"

He whimpered, as if the designation had reminded him of something or someone.

"Is...There something wrong?"

Starscream shook his helm, perhaps shaking his thoughts away, and looked back at Megatron.

"N-No,"

He stopped walking, Megatron stopped as well and twisted his body to face him better.

"it's just that-"

**_"STARSCREAM"_ **

Starscream's explanation was interrupted as Thundercracker, warping there with Skywarp in a flash of purple light at the end of the hall, and yelled like a maniac. Starscream and Megatron flinched at his entrance, whipping their helms towards Thundercracker the moment his voice cut in.

"T-TC, I-"

Starscream tried but Thundercracker was already walking toward him and grabbing his wrist,

"Save it,"

He muttered strictly at Starscream before turning to look at Megatron.

_"I told you to 'not try anything' "_

He hissed through bared teeth, looking back at Skywarp.

" 'Warp, Get us back"

Megatron was about to open his mouth and say something about Thundercracker's obedience and rank, was it not for the look in Starscream's optics. Shining under the light, deep crimson red, almost pure and full of youth. Ones where his ambitions reflected in them like a mirror,passion still so great but not enough to burn himself as it bounced off the mirror and lit up others' sparks with hopes and dreams. Could make those around him fall into a well full of a thousand wishes just to rise back up with stars of the young's dreams just by looking into the deep mysterious ocean of his optics.

Megatron stared at Starscream's optics, lost for a moment as his spark thumped in it's chamber, before the trine warped away with a flash of purple light. Leaving Megatron confused on why he found his Second in Command's optics so distracting.

* * *

"TC, You have to stop being so protective"

Skywarp said, lying on his front on their shared berth, the blanket draped across his frame.

Thundrcracker stared at the door across them, Starscream was there, sleeping alone, He let out a frustrated sigh.

"Two times,"

Skywarp said, making Thundercracker look over at him.

"Two times he escaped his room because you've been too strict"

He pointed a finger at his chest accusingly.

"If I'm not strict, Starscream might get too curious with our lord and master and get reminded by 'You-Know-Who'!!"

Thundercracker yelled, walking towards Skywarp and looming over him, Skywarp scoffed and mumbled something in response.

"What was that?"

_"I said..."_

Skywarp stood up and grabbed Thundercracker by the shoulders.

_"YOU'RE ATTITUDE ALONE WILL REMIND HIM OF METALWING!"_

Thundercracker stared.

"W-What? No, I'm just protecting him!"

Skywarp sighed and walked over to a desk, opening the drawer and pulling out a datafile.

"Remember Jetfire?"

Thundercracker paused, remembering the tall gentlemech who used to care for Starscream...

They still miss him...

"...Yeah, I remember him...How could I not?"

Skywarp nodded, tossing the datafile toward Thundercracker, He caught it easily.

"Father never favoured him..."

He looked down at the datafile Skywarp tossed to him. It was a photo, Jetfire stood, smiling brightly as he did some sort of experiment.

"What you did just moments ago, grabbing Starscream's wrist andtalking to the mech he was walking with as if they were some sort of villain? Doesn't that remind you of someone?"

Thundercracker thought for a moment, Long ago, He remembered Starscream beaten, broken and sobbing at the corner of his room, flinching whenever someone got close, believing they would hurt him as well as their father did.

When they finally got him to calm down, Starscream told them that when he and Jetfire were walking,their father had found them, he grabbed Starscream's wrist harshly before punching Jetfire across the face and tugging Starscream away. When they got back to the castle, he had beaten him until he was a broken mess.

It wasn't an act of protectiveness but...

Thundercracker shook his helm, getting the memories out of his helm before it continued to show him explicit images of-

No, Not gonna think about it.

"I...Just don't want him to remember those awful..."

He looked for his words.

"...'Moments'..."

Skywarp sighed, walking back to him and holding the datafile in one hand with Thundercracker.

"With our luck, he already remembers him either way..."

"No, That's not what I meant by that, 'Warp"

Thundercracker sat down on the berth, placing the datafile on his lap.

"I just...I meant that I don't want to _remind_ him about that"

Skywarp looked toward the door Starscream was in.

"Is that why you made him sleep alone?"

Thundercrcaker followed his gaze, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I guess..."

Skywarp nodded, they stayed silent for a moment before Skywarp spoke again.

"You know...Lord Megatron stopped beating Starscream a long time ago..."

Thundercracker looked up at him, raising an optic ridge at him.

"Your point is...?"

"I mean, It's obvious that he's trying to change!"

Skywarp elaborated.

"That's a sign that maybe it's safe for Starscream to talk to him"

Thundercracker shook his helm immediately.

"No!"

He yelled.

"Megatron hurt Starscream just as much as Metalwing! Not to mention Megatron is almost the same height and frame type as Metalwing, there's no way I'm letting Starscream anywhere near him!"

Skywarp sighed.

"Alright, I understand that but, you can't keep Starscream away from Megatron everyday. He's Megatron's Second"

Thundercracker stood up.

No, Just because Starscream is _his_ Second, doesn't mean he can dominate him and act like he's _his_.

"And he's my brother, He can't stop me from keeping him away..."

He walked over to his desk and pulled out the drawer, he placed the datafile in the drawer again and closed it.

Skywarp crossed his arms and sat on the bed.

"You need to calm down, Megatron stopped beating but that doesn't mean he won't kill you"

Thundercracker sighed, trying to cool off.

"I know"

* * *

Two.

Two whole fragging weeks since Megatron had last seen Starscream.

He was patrolling the halls again, thinking about what happened during the last time he saw his Second.

The weird glimmer of optics made him stop,

But why?

Why had he stopped?

Just cause of a pair of optics? His inner monologue went all sappy just because of Starscream's optics,

how pathetic.

Megatron stopped when he saw Rumble and Frenzy's figure behind a slightly opened door he was across from, he stared in confusion, Frenzy was using Rumble as a step ladder while he placed something above the slightly opened door. Upon closer inspection, they were placing a paint bucket above the door.

Megatron's confusion evaporated when he saw Starscream walk out of a room and head toward the very door Rumble and Frenzy were at. He weighed his options on either watching this unfold or doing something about it. Starscream moved toward the door, holding a-very important datapad, when Megatron looked closer-and headed pushed the door open.

At the last second, he wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him back. The paint bucket clattering loudly as the metal hit the ground hard while the paint inside splattered all over the floor. Starscream starred at it, hand held up awkwardly.

"Scrap"

Frenzy and Rumble groaned from behind the door, looking at the paint and back at Megatron.

"Heya, Boss!...Umm"

Frenzy started, but didn't know what to say.

"You two,"

Megatron interrupted Frenzy's sad excuse.

"clean this up before I have both of your helms on my throne"

The two scrambled away to obey, they knew he wouldn't do anything to them since Soundwave wouldn't let him but it was possibly because they were afraid of Soundwave's punishment instead.

Megatron scowled at the thought before realising he was still holding his Second around the waist. He looked down and saw Starscream looking up at him with those optics again, he hurry let go before his thoughts made him freeze up again.

"What are you doing here?"

He said after putting some distance between them and clearing his throat.

"I'm...Just trying to look around again"

"What does your brother think of this?"

Starscream shifted awkwardly and only then did Megatron realise-

"You didn't tell him did you? Not yesterday or now"

Starscream slowly nodded, still a sneaky little pest.

Megatron felt his mouth twitch slightly into a smile but he hurry hid it by clearing his throat again.

"Would you mind if I walk with you?"

Starscream looked up at him.

"I...Do not mind at all...Um..."

He struggled at first but then continued.

"Uh...'Lord Megatron'?"

He said, unsure.

Megatron smiled and nodded before he started walking, looking back at the Seeker when he realised he wasn't following him.

He stood under the flickering light, extending a hand for Starscream to follow.

The Seeker stared at him, the light above him, not flickering and staying perfectly bright and unbroken, and looked down at Megatron's hand before extending his own, admittedly smaller one.

Their hands so different and yet a perfect fit.

Megatron stared at their hands before walking with Starscream,

down the hall,

as the lights kept flickering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit I wrote this half asleep QwQ


	3. Cold, Dark And Wet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories of the past washes over the Seeker's mind and haunts him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking forward for the future more then right now and that's scary, knowing that I rush things a bit. So I'm scared (TAT)
> 
> Added Co-Writer: gabbydrawswhat (Follow them on Instagram and Tumblr)

Cold, dark and wet.

**_Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide._ **

Cold, dark and wet.

**_The only one who could make me smile, taken away from my side._ **

Screaming, crying, pleading;

 _ **"DON'T TOUCH ME"**_ as you break my mind.

Screaming, crying, pleading;

 ** _"Why...?Why?? WHY?!?"_** Was your love... _indifferent_ this entire time?

You were my idol, my hero, my figure.

**_Mouth dry caused by your fingers..._ **

You ruined it all.

... ** _the taste of your flesh still lingers_**...

You broke me.

**_Your smile no longer brings hope, as it is all I can see..._ **

You destroyed me.

**_Closed off, like a locked door without a key._ **

You're disgusting, 

**_You'll haunt me as I am dreaming._ **

You're a monster,

**_Is everything I own is what you wanted to conquer?_ **

You're not a hero.

**_You watched my tears of sorrow overflow._ **

You're not a hero.

**_Closed doors and blinded windows._ **

You're not a hero.

**_Are you so shallow? so hollow?_ **

You're not a hero.

 ** _Told to_** **_"Just Swallow"_**.

You're not a hero.

**_Left my room as I cried into my pillow._ **

**_"Don't tell your mother" you said, quiet as whisper._ **

**_You're not my hero,_** **_you're not my father..._**

* * *

Starscream woke from recharge with a start, blinking his optics to adjust to the dark room. He sat up and looked around, his room, dark and alone...again.

He flopped back onto the bed with a huff, he looked up at the ceiling, far up and blank. 

He was safe,

He thought as he closed his optics.

No one can hurt him, No one can hurt-

_He crashed into one of the monitors, falling onto the ground and cracking the glass of his cockpit. He slowly got up, coughing out energon and slipping on the bright glowing pink liquid. He tried blinking his optics to focus as he heard heavy footsteps, booming and shaking the ground beneath them._

**_"Get up..."_ **

_Starscream stayed down._

**_"I SAID 'GET UP'!!"_ **

_The mech grabbed him by the wing, twisting it and making him scream in pain, he dragged him to look at him in the optic._

_Megatron._

Starscream's optics shot open again.

He wasn't safe.

He never was.

* * *

Somehow, Megatron hadn't seen his own Second in Command for two months.

Whatever Thundercracker said or did, Starscream took it cause he was never seen by Megatron.

Until now.

Starscream seemingly popped out of nowhere, walking around the corner and bumping into him again. Megatron looked down at him and to his own surprise, chuckled softly, the simple action of voice vibrating against his chest.

"We should, really stop seeing each other like this"

He said with a small smile. He could smile, Starscream wasn't looking at him yet, so he could smile as much as he wanted. Starscream finally looked up at him after a few more moments and hurry backed away from him, optics avoiding him. Megatron looked at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

Starscream stayed silent, moving to walk around him but Megatron grabbed his hand before he could.

"Starscream,"

He pulled the Seeker back to face him again,

_"What's wrong?"_

He repeated.

The Seeker finally looked at him and Megatron froze, his optics were full of trauma and dread.

"...You,"

Starscream muttered, lightly tugging his hand to try and get out of his grip.

"...You _hurt_ me..."

Megatron stared, his mouth went dry.

"...You remember that...?"

The Seeker averted his gaze again, tugging a little bit harder to get out of the warlord’s grip.

"Please let me go..."

Megatron's grip had long faltered, dropping his hand back down, letting it dangle next to his side as he stared at Starscream with this unfamiliar feeling. Whether or not it was anger, he couldn't find a reason to speak, nothing to deny and nothing to hide. He had no right to speak up and he knew it himself. Starscream cast him one last glance before walking off again, leaving him alone in the hallway.

How could the Seeker, in his currant state, always make Megatron freeze up by simple words or expressions?

Megatron stood there, watching Starscream walk off as the dim lights of the hallway wouldn't stop flickering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran out of ideas so I just added my poem as a beginning of this chapter...Sorry for short chapter, tomorrow I'm gonna be really busy so I panicked. (TAT)


	4. Trust In Command

"Thundercracker,"

Skywarp tried.

"Please, just calm down so we can talk to Starscream"

The blue and black Seeker whipped around, vents heaving and engines roaring in stress.

**_"NO!"_ **

The Seeker shouted, obviously losing his slag.

"EVERYDAY STARSCREAM SEEMS TO GAIN A MEMORY BACK TO HIS PROCESSOR AND YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT; _'Hey, that doesn't seem so bad!'_ **WRONG!** HE'S REMEMBERING THE HORRIBLE ABUSIVE THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED TO HIM AT THE **WRONG** TIMES AND AT THE **WRONG** PLACES!"

Thundrcracker continued on, pacing around the room as he screamed out in a panic.

Skywarp looked toward the room Starscream was in, blocked by a simple wall and door.

Starscream had been sitting down on his berth when the two Seekers came back from their mission, He had admitted that he left the room to roam around the halls, but before Thundercracker could scold him, Starscream told them;

_"...I...remember what Megatron did to me..."_

Skywarp could still remember his brother's face, so traumatised and broken with emotion, tears forming at the corner of his optics at a rapid state while his mouth quivered as he tried to explain what he had remembered.

But the worse part about it, was what Thundercracker did. Straightening himself, grabbing Skywarp and storming out of Starscream's room, slamming the door close when the Seeker started to cry out.

The words repeated in Skywarp's mind, broken and desperate.

_"wait, TC-PLEASE, I'M SORRY!"_

Skywarp knew Thundercracker was under too much pressure, slamming the door close to muffle Starscream's cries was the only thing Thundercracker could do. It was the only thing he knew how to do when their father had started......He couldn't bare to see or hear it. Shutting the door to block out all the walls and screaming for help. It was the only thing he knew he could handle.

And most of the times, the screaming would last until dawn.

But now, Thundrcracker paced around the room, trying not to repeat his past actions without realising he already had.

The Seeker had no use in hiding the fact that he was afraid, afraid that their brother was going to be taken advantage of. To be pulled into a false sense of security, lured and cooed over. To be said that he was cared and loved for, until that mask of 'safety' cracks open, plummeting a fist into his weak frame...over and over and over, until they decide that it was no longer amusing and started-

"No,"

Thundercracker murmured , breaking Skywarp deciphering of the Blue Seeker's _own_ mental trauma.

"No, I'm not letting him go...Not anymore, Not ever"

Skywarp sighed and stood up from their shared berth. He wanted to keep Starscream safe too, keep him close, tell him that everything was fine.

There was no use in denying that fact.

But keeping Starscream from everyone and everything wasn't the way to do so.

He walked up to Thundercracker, placing a servo on his shoulder.

"Hey, SlipStream's coming back from her mission soon,"

Skywarp said, trying to be optimistic.

"We don't have to deal with this alone now"

Thundercracker looked at the purple jet, then looking down at the servo placed on his shoulder before slapping it away in frustration, scoffing at the idea of SlipStream making things better.

"TC,"

Skywarp said, trying to grab his brother's attention.

"We need as much help from our family as we can get"

Thundercracker supposed, as he looked back at the door that Starscream was behind in, that maybe they did need help.

But certainly not from... _her_...And definitely not from _Megatron_.

There was no one in the base perfect enough to be Starscream's guardian.

So, Thundercracker supposed, that he would help carry this and just do it himself.

* * *

Megatron sat on his throne with little else to think about.

SlipStream would be coming back soon but in the meantime, there was nothing important to do or discuss with anyone else.

Megatron shifted in his seat, finding it hard to get comfortable as his thoughts drifted to the problem currently held right now; Starscream.

Starscream was-and still is, no matter his inconvenient predicament-a valuable asset to the Decepticon faction. His memory may have been wiped but he was learning just as quickly.

Megatron notes this as he watched Soundwave help instruct Starscream through lists of stocks, weapons, designations, etc, etc...

But the most inconvenient thing Megatron had to deal with, was the strange feelings he felt during or after every encounter with his Second.

Those strange feelings were getting in the way of his judgement, thoughts and sometimes even view. Everything just seemed to blur as he continued to focus on those strange feelings as if nothing else mattered other than those emotions.

It all felt...strange.

Again, Megatron found himself looking over at Starscream, watching his expressions and small wing twitches. The Seeker looked at Soundwave and nodded at a few things to indicate that he understood, rarely asking questions that usually received a simple yet understandable answer.

Starscream smiled softly at Soundwave before catching Megatron's gaze. The Seeker looked back at him, a sudden nervousness filling his entire frame that it was visible enough to see that he was shaking, barely noticeable but otherwise still there. Megatron averted his gaze, He would keep his distance with the Seeker, he wasn't willing to push himself onto the little mech and he was certainly not gonna make him worse than he used to be— _Already is_.

A loud obnoxious clicking noise made Megatron's optics look toward the doorway, in came SlipStream, strutting confidently.

She stopped in front of the throne and gave Megatron a short bow before straightening herself once again.

"My Lord"

She smirked proudly, cocking a hip and placing a servo on it.

"SlipStream"

Megatron greeted, glancing back at Starscream before looking at SlipStream again.

"I see your mission was a success"

"Very much so, Yes"

She replied, flickering her wings and lifting her nose up to the air.

"I've already brought WheelJack and Blurr down to the brig"

She chuckled and studied her claws.

"I'm proud to say that I've finally caught the ' _fastest_ ' mech alive. But I suppose that he's not so fast anymore"

Megatron was on the verge of pulling a 'Starscream' and rolling his optics at SlipStream's cockiness.

" _Enough_ SlipStream"

She stared back at Megatron as he continued.

"I'm pleased that you have the Autobots' mad scientist; WheelJack"

"It wasn't that hard, he blew his own cover"

She chuckled again.

" _Literally_ "

Megatron was _really_ not having it today. His patience was already running thin and he _really_ needed to relax his processor, he could already tell he was about to have a headache.

"And what about the weapon?"

SlipStream focused on Megatron and stood taller.

"The weapon should be rebuilt in a couple of months"

Megatron tapped his finger against the arm of throne,

" _Months_? It can't be rebuilt anymore sooner?"

SlipStream shook her head.

"I'm afraid not, my Lord"

She spoke, sounding more serious than ever.

"As stupid as it may seem, WheelJack accidentally wiped his own memory in the making of the weapon, deleting the other half of information on how he created it."

She shook her helm disappointedly.

"Or so he claims"

Megatron snarled, if that idiot of a scientist _did_ forget how to build his damned weapon and accidentally _killed_ his Second in Command cause of his own stupidity, he'd make sure that poor excuse of a ' _scientist_ ' would lose more than just half his memories.

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Does _Perceptor_ know the rest of the blueprints?"

He asked, hoping that at least _he_ wasn't an idiot.

If he was, then there really _was_ no hope left for the last Cybertronian scientists on this damned planet.

"Yes,"

That caused Megatron to look up but what SlipStream said next disappointed him beyond belief.

"however I failed to catch him due to Blurr running around. Knowing the Autobots, they're already hiking up security"

Megatron had heard about enough, he stood up from his throne and waved a dismissive servo. He strode passed her, intending to head toward his quarters to get rid of his throbbing headache when he heard SlipStream conversing with Starscream. He stood by the doorway, listening.

"You're still a pain in the aft even when you're not screaming orders at us, huh?"

SlipStream sighed in exasperation but by her tone, it sounded like she was smiling. Or most likely smirking.

Starscream seemed to hesitate, taking this information and trying to remember if he had ever bossed someone around by _screaming_ , when he couldn't find anything he spoke.

"... _Scream_? When have I-?"

"Oh hush, it's in your _designation_ , Star _scream_. Don't act so oblivious"

There was a playful slap, SlipStream probably slapped him against the shoulder. It sounded as if SlipStream was in denial. If it were the Starscream he knew now, he'd scowl or screech at her or-something.

"I don't-I don't scream!"

Came the confused and slightly hurt reply, trying to convince her that he wasn't _like_ that. Which, unknown to him, was mistakenly **_very_** wrong.

"Sure do-"

Soundwave cut them both off by speaking over them loudly despite his monotone voice.

"SlipStream: Distracting Starscream. Starscream: should be wise enough to not listen to nuisances"

With that, Megatron left the command centre. He needed to relax his processor, that's all he needed. Yet, all he could think about were possibilities that Starscream might never regain his memories back.

Yes, losing his snarky and narcissistic self would be a blessing. But losing his scheming, brilliant self would be too much of a price to pay.

The door to his quarters shut automatically. Leaving him in complete darkness. He sat down on his berth with a heavy sigh.

He couldn't let that happen. He needed that brat back and he needed him now.

_No matter the costs._

It just occurred to him that he did well with _Starscream's_ cockiness more than _SlipStream's_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for everyone who's been waiting for this. I was asking myself before: "I want a slow burn fic, Where's my slow burn fic???"
> 
> And than I realised that you all were probably asking and waiting for this too so—Whoops.


	5. The Witness, The Victim And The Guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a little POV jumping here and there.

_**Drip, Drip, Drip** _

A constant sound that only irritated Thundercracker's aching processor. He scratched the back of his neck, his digit tapping against the table.

**_Drip, Drip, Drip_ **

The blue seeker winced as a sudden ringing filled his audios, the multiple voices and loud obnoxious cheers weren't helping at all. He felt like there were a thousand voices and sounds and...He just wanted them to stop...

**_Drip, Drip, Drip_ **

**_Yell, Shout, Cheer_ **

Thundercracker pressed his servos to his audios...He just needed them to stop...Just for a little bit....

**_Drip, Drip, Drip_ **

**_Yell, Shout, Slap_ **

He needed him to stop. Just please... _Stop hurting him._

**_Drip, Drip, Drip_ **

**_Scream, Cry, Deep laughter_ **

_Just stop please just stop_

**_Scream, Cry, Muffled voices_ **

_Stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop_

**_Muffled, Muffled, Muffled_ **

_Stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop_

**_Muffled laughter, Muffled cries, Muffled—_ **

**_"STOP"_ **

**...**

* * *

**...**

He suddenly felt a servo on his shoulder, making him jump, he looked up.

_"I-I'm sorry-"_

"TC, It's me"

Thundercracker blinked, he looked around.

The mess hall. He was in the mess hall. He wasn't in his room at the castle. He wasn't hiding away in the dark. He was in the mess hall of the Nemesis in the middle of the ocean.

And Starscream was safe.

"TC, are you alright?"

Thundercracker looked back at Skywarp, telling himself that Starscream wasn't actually safe in the Nemesis, and nodded reluctantly.

"Yeah...I'm alright, I'm just... having a...helm...ache..."

His words died down in his throat as he realised everyone in the mess was staring at him, he swallowed down a lump in his throat, he gripped onto the seat to stop his servos from trembling.

It seems that he wasn't being as discreet as he thought, Skywarp frowned and got up.

"Well look at that! It's time to go! TC, let's go back to the barracks and get some recharge!"

Thundercracker looked up at him, checking his chrono briefly, he blinked.

"But it has only been half the cycle-?" 

He choked on his words as he was suddenly hoisted up and off his seat by the forearm.

"There we go!"

Skywarp smiled at him then suddenly swiped his thumb over his face.

"What the-Warp!"

Thundercracker rubbed the area Skywarp touched, thinking he had smudged something on his face like paint or oil, only then realising he had tears on his cheeks. He blinked, he...was _crying_...?

"You had a little bit of energon on there, I hope you don't mind"

Skywarp smiled and held his servo,

"C'mon, Starscream is probably waiting for us"

Before Thundercracker could protest further, they were in their quarters in a flash of purple light. Skywarp squeezed his servo to comfort him. Thundercracker took a deep breath, it felt like a weight had lifted off his shoulders but he knew it was only temporarily.

"How about we sit down?"

He asked, already guiding him to their berth.

Thundercracker slumped down on the edge of the berth with a huff. Skywarp sat beside the blue seeker, servo gently petting his drooping blue wings.

"Were you thinking about...Him or...?"

Thundercracker inhaled deeply, he closed his optics and listened to his surroundings.

Silence.

He opened his optics and slowly exhaled, it came out shaky but he continued to breathe slowly.

"I...don't even know anymore..."

Skywarp nodded and they fell into silence.

It was alright...

He reminded himself.

He was alright...

Everything was gonna be alright...

The door opened without warning and light poured into the room, a figure stood at the doorway in an elegant stance. She walked in and opened the lights.

"Hello, you two"

Slipstream purred.

"It's good to be home"

* * *

_"How long...?"_

On the screen, Shockwave glanced to the side. The cyclops didn't exactly have a face but that didn't mean he wasn't expressive in his own way.

"It'll...take more than just a few months for me to arrive, my Lord. I believe it'll take...a year"

Shockwave murmured the last part out as if he was disappointed with himself.

Megatron growled to himself. A year was far too long.

" _A year?_ What do you expect me to do with my second in command during that time period?"

Shockwave stayed silent, He sighed and ran a servo down his exhausted aging face.

"Have you inspected the blueprints of the weapon?"

Shockwave perked up at the change of subject and accepted it with immense gratitude.

"Indeed, I have."

The scientist rummaged through his desk and picked up a datapad.

"From what I can gather from the prints, the weapon itself wipes memories on a scale, zero to a hundred, temporary to permanent."

Megatron hid a shudder. If Starscream had permanently forgotten everything...Megatron wouldn't know what to do. Starscream would be useless to the cause and he'd have to get rid of him.

That thought alone was beyond frightening and Megatron honestly didn't understand why.

"Since we don't exactly know how high the scales were, I've been checking a few of the reports Soundwave sent me himself"

Shockwave's antenna twitched, his optic flickered and his entire frame tensed.

" 'Starscream's been remembering a few moments in his life however he seems to not recall the first time he met Lord Megatron' "

The scientist read out.

" 'He does remember being abused' "

Megatron flinched. Something about the word 'abused' had set him off. Something inside him hated the word, however, he hated himself more than the word itself.

Shockwave sat back in his chair.

"Interesting..."

He murmured, calculations running though his processor.

"If that is true than we might have a problem"

"Why is that?"

Megatron felt his spark vibrating against its chamber anxiously.

"Remembering certain events in the wrong order could damage the processor, ruin the cogs and change them."

Shockwave skimmed through the datapad to check if he left something out.

"It's interesting, really. It once happened to Soundwave. He's overcome it of course but that's only because he went into others' minds and saw which memory went where. Since it's Starscream, there's hardly any chance he could—Lord Megatron?"

Shockwave blinked, staring at the vacant seat that once had his leader's frame sitting in it.

Megatron strode through the halls, spark vibrating faster and faster. He had to play it cool, he had to make sure it all went well.

He had to make sure that the Starscream he knew stayed alive.

The warlord made it to the door and was about to knock when the door opened automatically, Soundwave standing there with his blank visor and mask.

They stared at each other for the longest time before Soundwave stepped out of the way, having read what happened and why he was there, Megatron hesitated before making up his processor and going in.

This was for the best.

* * *

Starscream stared at the dark monitor screen. Optics stinging.

How long was he supposed to be here? How long did he actually stay here?

The seeker's wings drooped, he placed his helm in his servo.

Why did he feel so drained? He never felt so tired since...

Starscream paused.

Since...? Since when?

In the middle of trying to search through his memories, he heard a loud CLANG. Starscream blinked and looked around. He got up and looked over the monitor just in time to see a paint bucket roll toward the monitor, the bucket stopped once it collided with the edge.

The Seeker got off his seat and walked around the monitor to follow a trail of yellow paint. He stepped out through the doorway and looked around. Nothing. The trail just stopped there.

Before he could turn and leave, another CLANG rang through his audios causing him to jump. He turned to where he heard it and saw two minicons at the far side corner next to a small storage room.

One was black and red, the other was purple and blue.

"I told you we should've gone with the other one"

One of them groaned, rubbing his servo against his helm from where it collided with the ground.

"Do you really want to waste our time trying to pry off a lid?"

"No, but at least it wouldn't have spilled everywhere, you d—!"

"What're you two doing?"

Starscream interrupted, stepping in front of them.

The two jumped and stood straight.

"Oh hey, Screams! We were just gonna paint the walls!"

The jet blinked.

" _'Paint the walls'?_ At this time?"

They both nodded quickly.

"...With a _single_ bucket?"

They both nodded again but a little slower.

"...with _yellow_ paint?"

This time they stared at him in silence. The two glanced at each other then back at Starscream.

"You gonna tell the boss?"

One of them asked quietly, kicking their leg a bit in an awkward fashion.

"Soundwave?"

"Megatron"

Starscream flinched at the mention of his name. He was having such a bland day that he almost forgot about Megatron. He seemed so nice to him at first but from what he saw in his memories...Was he just trying to manipulate him? Was he trying to lower his guard down? Hurt him again? But why him? Why did it always have to be him?

...He missed Jetfire so bad...

"Scream?"

The Seeker blinked back into reality, his optics were blurry with tears, he blinked again tomake sure they were gone

"N-No..."

His voice was strained and broken, Starscream shook his head and repeated himself more firmly after clearing his throat.

"No, I won't. You two can go, I'll clean this up."

The two minicons glanced at each other again but this time they sent a message through their bond. They looked back at Starscream and started running off.

Starscream sighed, looking at the yellow paint. He frowned a bit.

Why _yellow?_

That would be a horrible colour for the base.

He shook his head and went to get a cleaning rag.

Does anybody here have taste?

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stuck on a few places but I finally updated!  
> Hope you enjoyed and stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a role play I did with a friend called ‘When Flowers Bloom’, I’ve talked about it at Tumblr, I’ve deleted everything there but if you still want to follow me, you could follow: lazy-sad-potato-comix or my repost blog


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